httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-18XXZMjy4
This segment develops the concept and necessity for each member of a couple to take ownership of their own reactions.
We use the analogy of a person who goes to a picnic, not knowing s/he has an allergy to strawberries. Of course, everyone has strawberries, and no one else gets hives. Yet the allergy victim wants to blame the strawberries. “Bad batch!” Couples upset in their own homes do not have the advantage of seeing someone to their left or right who is having no such reaction. It seems obvious that my reaction is “caused” by my mate. As long as I fail to perceive the inner “allergies” that drive my reactions, frequently present long before I met my mate, I will continue to blame him/her. And we will not communicate.